10 signs that you should probably go on a diet

Some people will be offended by this list. They may want to hurt me, but fortunately I can out-run them. On with the obesity.

1. Your stomach hangs out under your dress


2. No-one can tell if you're a man or a woman


3. You look like the Michelin Man


4. Your neck is wider than your head


5. You can only put your drink down when you've eaten enough


6. You're heavier than a Kawasaki Ninja


7. You have a gunt


8. Your head's on backwards. Oh, wait.


9. You go on safari and you're the attraction


10. Om nom nom nom nom